Sheila Furr PHD

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PARENTING SCHEDULES – “It’s all about the kids!”

Even when there is no legal presumption of 50% / 50% timeshare, courts are commonly leaning in that direction. In July 2023, Florida passed a statute whereby there is now a presumption of 50/50 timeshare, but it can be rebutted in Court with proof of reasons, or in collaborative if the parties agree. Equal time for some parents represents stature and recognition of their equal role in parenting decisions, and for some it is, “I want as much time with my kids as I can have. If I didn’t get divorced I would have them one hundred percent of the time.” Sharing parenting in different homes can feel like a loss for both parents and children, but there are ways to move forward in positive ways for the benefit of the entire family. The goal is for children to have the security and attention of two involved parents.

Divorce doesn’t mean loss of a parent but a reorganization of the schedule of parenting. Children do best when there is stability of contact with both parents and the parents are mindful of not exposing the children to any lingering conflict or tension between the two of them.

In Florida there is a distinction between time sharing, which is defined as the number of overnights, and shared parental responsibility, which is the authority for decision-making as regards the children. The public policy of our state is “the best interests of the children” and parenting, whether under one roof or two, means sacrifice and sometimes putting the children’s needs in front of your own. Having a co-parent who is committed to being actively involved during their timeshare means a break from full time caretaking, an opportunity for self-care, and time to regroup and be at full energy when timesharing resumes.

Overall, a 50/50 timeshare arrangement in a parenting plan can provide many benefits for divorced parents and their children, including shared responsibility, consistency, reduced conflict, and increased bonding. However, it is important to note that every family is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. It is important for parents to consider their own circumstances and needs when developing a parenting plan that is in the best interests of their children. Some benefits are:

  • SHARED RESPONSIBILITY: With a 50/50 timeshare arrangement, both parents have equal responsibility for their children’s upbringing. This can help to ensure that both parents remain actively involved in their children’s lives, and that they share the joys and challenges of parenting. They, also, get periodic breaks from responsibility which might allow them to be a more engaged parent when they are “on duty.”
  • CONSISTENCY: By spending an equal amount of time with both parents, children can maintain a consistent routine, which can be important for their emotional and psychological wellbeing. This can also help to reduce the stress and anxiety that children may experience during a divorce. There is reliable and equal access to both parents so the child’s sense of loss created by the divorce may be lessened.
  • PREDICTABILITY: A 50/50 timeshare can also provide predictability and stability for children. When parents share time equally, children know exactly when they will be with each parent and can manage expectations and adjust their schedules accordingly. Children move between home and school environments naturally, and with time the movement between two homes feels familiar, too.
  • MAY DECREASE PARENTAL CONFLICT: A 50/50 timeshare can also reduce conflict between parents. When both parents have equal time with their children, there is less opportunity for one parent to feel left out or marginalized. This can also help to promote cooperation and communication between parents, which can be beneficial for their children.
  • INCREASED BONDING: Spending equal time with both parents can help to strengthen the bond between children and each parent, which can be beneficial for their overall development. Children who have strong relationships with both parents may also be better able to cope with the challenges of divorce and separation.

There are several types of 50/50 timeshare schedules that divorced parents can consider when developing a parenting plan. These include:

  • Week-on/week-off: In this schedule, one parent has the children for one week, and the other parent has them for the next week. This type of schedule can be easy to remember and can provide consistency for children, as they always know which parent they will be with each week. This works best with older children who can tolerate more time away from a parent and who can use phone and other devices to maintain contact and get support during the time physically away from one parent.
  • 2-2-5-5: This schedule involves the children spending two days with one parent, then two days with the other parent, followed by five days with the first parent, and then five days with the other parent. For example, the children may spend Monday and Tuesday with one parent, Wednesday and Thursday with the other parent, and alternate weekends with each parent. This type of schedule can provide more frequent contact with both parents and can be particularly beneficial for younger children who may struggle with longer periods of separation from one parent. There is predictability and consistency which is helpful to adults and children.
  • 3-4-4-3: In this schedule, the children spend three days with one parent, then four days with the other parent, followed by four days with the first parent, and then three days with the other parent. This type of schedule provides consistency and stability for children, as they spend the same amount of time with each parent each week, but the actual days change each week and that can be confusing. This schedule can work well, for example, if parents have work demands, such as traveling, where they can plan for their own needs.

It is important for divorced parents to consider their own schedules and the needs of their children when choosing a 50/50 timeshare schedule. The schedule should be flexible and allow for adjustments as needed to accommodate changing circumstances. This includes considering the ever-evolving developmental needs of the individual child and the different needs of children in the same family who are at different stages of development. Considering best interests of each child and parental commitment to open and ongoing communication regarding the needs of the children, will make co-parenting easier and more enjoyable and provides an emotional environment in which children can thrive, even after divorce.

Family Mediator

Dr. Sheila Furr is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator who helps divorcing couples in a voluntary and consensual process known as mediation to facilitate the negotiation of a divorce or dispute. Some couples would rather address the emotional and parenting issues with a mental health professional rather than start their process with a lawyer. Financial issues have a clear emotional component and sometimes Dr Furr co-mediates with a collaboratively trained financial expert. Should there be a need for legal advice, a lawyer can be brought into the process. When the full team makes sense, Collaborative Mediation might be the answer.

Child Specialist

As a Child Specialist, Dr. Furr serves as the voice of the child in the collaborative process, while keeping them out of parental conflict. The child specialist is a neutral member of the collaborative professional team providing support to the family and advocacy for the children. She helps the parents focus on the best interests of their children based on meeting them and assessing their needs. The purpose of a child specialist during the divorce process is to minimize the impact of the divorce on your children and to create an individualized parenting plan and timeshare schedule.

Neutral Facilitator

Serving as a Neutral Facilitator in the Collaborative Process, Dr. Sheila Furr guides you, your spouse/partner, and the Collaborative team through the Collaborative Divorce process. As the Neutral Facilitator, Dr. Furr will help divorcing spouses navigate through difficult and emotional discussions to ensure that the needs of the entire family are considered. As a psychologist and communication specialist, she will help guide discussion to keep communication productive and respectful. When there are minors involved, Dr. Furr will meet with the parents in the preparation of the parenting plan and timeshare schedule.

Accredited Collaborative Professional

Accredited Collaborative Professionals are amongst the most experienced Collaborative Professionals in the State of Florida. To receive the distinction of an Accredited Collaborative Professional, Dr. Sheila Furr met all the standards of education, ethics and experience set forth by the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals.